GAY FILM REVIEWS BY MICHAEL D. KLEMM

Theft

Waterbearer Films,
2007

Director/Screenplay:
Paul Bright

Starring:
Matthew Charles Burnett, Patrick Henderson, Cynthia Schiebel, Shad Ramsey, Erik Collins, Benjamin Baronet, Sam Jeske

Unrated, 95 minutes

Down On Main Street
by Michael D. Klemm
Posted online, January 2010



Writer/director Paul Bright (Aaron...Albeit A Sex Hero) likes to make offbeat comedies about ordinary gay men living in small towns. Theft (2007) is an amusing movie that pits the denizens of a rural Texas leather bar against a sanctimonious church lady bent on shutting them down.

Guy (Matthew Charles Burnett) finds himself the reluctant owner of The Golden Door when its owner and founder, Daddy Jack, unexpectedly succumbs to a heart attack during a drag show benefit. Jack was beloved by all. His surviving partner, George (David La Duca), performs at the bar nightly as the fabulous, and tempermental, Lady Liberty. "Leathermen are a tiny minority within a minority," he tells Guy, "And we're counting on you [to keep the bar open]."

That the small town of Liberty Heights has a gay bar at all is actually somewhat miraculous. That isn't, however, how Sister Susannah (Cynthia Schiebel) feels about it. We first meet this Rev. Fred Phelps in drag when she takes a page out of the Westboro Baptist Church Handbook and shows up at Jack's funeral with protesters. They hold crosses, American flags and signs that read "Homos Damned To Hell" and "Jesus Died So You Can Be Straight." Impeccably dressed with a big wig, Sister Susannah is a parody of every cable television evangelist who ever bilked senior citizens of their pensions in the name of the Lord. She's a bit over the top at times, but she's supposed to be ridiculous and we're not looking for subtetly in this film.

A gay art student named Alex (Patrick Henderson) drifts into town on the train and sets chaos in motion. He befriends Guy, who initially rebuffs the flirtatious stranger. Alex alters a patriotic mural in the town square and then really gets Sister Susannah into full crusade mode when he paints the outside of The Golden Door. "I don't think it's supposed to look like that," say two church ladies as they gaze at a mural depicting the planting of the American flag at Iwo Jima - the soldiers are shirtless and one wears only a jockstrap. Of course you realize this means war. Sister Susannah and her church ladies show up outside the bar and they may as well be bearing torches and rakes. Things heat up even more when Alex meets the good Sister and says, "Hello Mother."
This is a cute movie. Yes its budget is almost non-existant but who cares? The satire is usually obvious too but the film's target is such a cliche already that a Kids In The Hall sketch is the route to go. Theft (which was originally named Theft Of The Drag Queen's Wig until the director was told that the title would kill any potential straight rental market) has many charms and a quirky sense of humor. I liked that the romance between Guy and Alex followed none of the usual formulas. I liked it when Sister Susannah began to channel Carrie's mother. The extreme actions she takes will cause her to lose her wig and her fate is sealed when she steals one of Lady Liberty's.
It was nice, for a change, to see leathermen not played for laughs in a queer film. They look like an ordinary bunch of guys and not Tom of Finland drawings; they just happen to be wearing leather. (And watching drag; we don't usually see that on the screen.) My favorite shot of the movie is a pan across the backs of the funeral mourners; some are wearing chaps over jeans and all of them have different colored hankies hanging out of their back pockets.
Matthew Charles Burnett, who also stars in Bright's next film Aaron...Albeit A Sex Hero, is appealing here too as the hero who isn't in control. Maybe Alex should have been a bit more James Dean-ish, but Henderson projects the proper charisma. La Duca doesn't overplay (much) the flamboyant Lady Liberty and is fun when she is on stage (which is often). The two backup dancers provide some good comic relief, and the one on her left is major league eye candy.

Some moments are flat, Jack's heart attack on the stage is easily the film's clumsiest scene. Sister Susannah's sermons sometimes go on for too long. And that organ music - although I'm sure that was supposed to sound annoying. No matter. What Theft lacks in studio polish is compensated by its abundant and natural charm. A bit raw, but what the hell. Look at some of the flashiest queer films and you'll find Another Gay Movie and Another Gay Sequel. Nuff said.

 

More on Paul Bright in:
Aaron...Albeit A Sex Hero
Altitude Falling

Abrupt Decision
Goliad Uprising

Matthew Charles Burnett also appears in:
Aaron...Albeit A Sex Hero
Abrupt Decision
Goliad Uprising

Cynthia Schiebel also appears in:
Aaron...Albeit A Sex Hero

Altitude Falling
Abrupt Decision
Goliad Uprising

David Laduca also appears in:
Altitude Falling

Abrupt Decision